


Touch-Starved

by SDBookFan



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, The T is because Virgil swears, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 10:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12651399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SDBookFan/pseuds/SDBookFan
Summary: Anxiety has never been hugged before. The others are determined to change this.





	1. Chapter 1

It shouldn’t be that surprising really. It wasn’t like the others spent that much time around him. (He couldn’t really blame them for that, it wasn’t like he was the most pleasant person in the world to spend time with).

And aside from them, who else was there? There weren’t that many people in the mindscape. So yeah, it shouldn’t be that surprising that Anxiety had never been hugged before.

And yet, even Logic, who was normally better about seeing the obvious, had seemed startled earlier, and maybe even concerned. Anxiety didn’t get it. It wasn’t like it was a big deal or anything. So he hadn’t ever been hugged before, so what? He got on perfectly fine without any unnecessary physical contact. Really.

The whole thing had come out over breakfast. Morality, in an attempt to get the others to open up and talk more, had asked Logic what he’d been studying recently. More than eager to show off his knowledge, Logic had enthusiastically described in detail the articles he had been reading about scientific studies on physical contact.

“It has now been definitively proven that we need physical contact to stay healthy,” Logic had babbled, leaning forward to engage Morality, who was listening in what seemed like genuine interest.

“So what you’re saying is that hugs are good for you?” Morality had asked excitedly.

“Yes, actually they’re extremely beneficial,” Logic had replied. “They’re the exact kind of positive contact needed to maintain emotional and physical well-being.”

That was when Anxiety had snorted, getting the attention of not only Morality and Logic, but Prince as well, looking up from his cereal.

“Is there something you find funny, Anxiety?” Logic had asked, one hand going to adjust his glasses.

Anxiety had rolled his eyes.

“I just find it all a bit ridiculous,” he had drawled. “I mean, really? We need hugs to survive? That just sounds like bullshit. And besides, even if it were true, it’s not like it applies to us. We’re not exactly normal humans.”

“Awww, c’mon, kiddo,” Morality had pouted. “Even you have to admit that hugs make you feel good, all warm and safe.”

Anxiety had huffed. “I don’t need to try out that touchy-feely stuff to know that this theory’s bullshit.”

“You can’t just dismiss the science behind this!” Logic had sputtered, having looked more and more outraged as Anxiety spoke. But before Anxiety could reply to that, he had been cut off by Prince.

“Try it out… Anxiety, have you ever been hugged before?”

The question had hung in the air, the other three turning to look at Anxiety.

Feeling uncomfortable under the scrutiny, Anxiety had just shrugged. “It’s how I knew this whole thing was bullshit, I seem to be doing just fine.”

“Oh, kiddo,” Morality had whispered, sounding heart-broken for some reason.

Not wanting to stick around and deal with the weird atmosphere that has settled over them, Anxiety had just muttered, “It’s not a big deal, Morality,” and ducked out.

He still didn’t get why the others had seemed so horrified. It wasn’t a big deal. Still he was sure they’d get over it. Hell, they’d probably already dismissed it. And by this time tomorrow, it would be forgotten entirely.

* * *

 

_Back in the kitchen_

“He’s never been hugged before. How did we not know that?” Logan asked, stunned.

“Well he does tend to kept to himself,” Prince pointed out, sounding uneasy. “I-I can’t say I ever really thought about this whole thing really, but I suppose I just assumed that Morality had hugged him at some point.”

“I should have” Morality whimpered, his head in his hands. “I noticed that he tended to shy away from me, and I decided to wait for him to come to me. But that was a mistake. _I_ should have been the one to reach out.”

“We all should have,” Logan sighed. Then with a disturbing thought beginning to form in his mind, he continued, slowly. “Actually, just setting aside the hug matter for now, when was the last time you can remember Anxiety getting any form of physical contact? A handshake, a pat on the back, anything?”

The other two paused, obviously thinking hard.

“I, well, I remember clapping him on the shoulder a few weeks ago,” Morality replied, now sounding even more horrified than before. “He’d fetched something for me, but I can’t really remember anything else.”

“We held hands in the Valentine’s Day video,” Prince said hesitantly. “That’s about it though.”

A frown formed on Logan’s face. “Then it’s as I feared,” he said gravely. “Anxiety is likely extremely touch-starved at this point.” Seeing that Morality looked to be on the verge of tears, he hastily continued, “But that can be fixed!”

“Of course we’ll fix it,” Prince stated confidently, “Princess Pessimism and I may not always get along that well, but that doesn’t mean I wish him harm, and from what you were saying earlier, Logic, this is doing him harm.”

“You’re right,” Morality sniffed, sounding a little better. “We will make this better. I’m going to give him all the hugs.”

“That might not be the best idea just yet,” Logan cautioned sharply. “Given the severity and duration of Anxiety’s touch-starvation, even a small amount of physical contact may seem overwhelming right now. It’s better to start small and work our way up to larger gestures of physical affection such as hugs.”

Morality nodded. “Okay, I can do that.”

“What do we do if he pulls away?” Prince broke in, “Should we let him?”

“Yes, I think so,” Logan replied. “We don’t want to make him uncomfortable. If he pulls away, let him, just be prepared to keep offering the physical contact. Once he starts relaxing and accepting the smaller gestures, we will start offering larger ones, and so on.”

“It’s a plan.” Morality replied, looking more determined than Logan had seem him in a long while. Yes, they had made a terrible mistake in overlooking the youngest of the sides, but they were going to fix it.

* * *

 

The next morning, Anxiety slipped into the kitchen. He had ended up spending the previous day hanging out in his room and watching Netflix, which had been fun, but he was also pretty hungry at this point.

“Good morning, kiddo,” Morality called out cheerfully. “Logan’s making omelets, so can you help me set the table?”

“Sure,” Anxiety mumbled, wanting to get at the food as quickly as possible. He was starving.

Silently, he began to lay out silverware, as Morality got the plates and cups. It didn’t take them long to finish.

“Thanks, Anxiety,” Morality said, and then reached out and ruffled his hair?

A little startled, Anxiety moved back, staring at Morality in bewilderment. But the other side seemed oblivious to his confusion, only humming cheerfully as he sat down. He didn’t have too long to dwell on it though, as Logic came out of the kitchen with the food.

Once Prince had finally deigned to join them, they began eating. Anxiety ate silently, letting the others do the talking. When he was finished he went and put his plate in the sink, but before he could leave the kitchen completely, Logic grabbed his hand.

“Wait, before you go,” he said, pulling Anxiety closer, “I was wondering if you’d be willing to help me troubleshoot some plans for working on the next videos. You have a knack for spotting potential problems.”

“Uhhh,” Anxiety was having trouble responding. Did-did Logic realize he was still holding Anxiety’s hand? “Um, sure,” he finally stammered out.

Logic gave him a small smile. “Excellent,” he said briskly. “I have the plans laid out in my room.”

With that he tugged on their joined hands once more, towing Anxiety behind him. Anxiety could only follow along helplessly, still not really sure what was going on.

At the end of the day, Anxiety was ready to crawl under the covers and hope the world made more sense in the morning. Things had been slightly off all day. It wasn’t anything drastic, but Morality and Logic seemed to be paying slightly more attention to him than usual. It was just different enough to throw him off balance. He hadn’t seen Prince though, so that at least was normal.

But apparently he’d spoken too soon, because that was when Prince popped up.

“Ah, Anxiety, excellent. I was just looking for you.”

Anxiety only looked at him in askance. _Why?_

Prince seemed to catch his silent question because he elaborated. “I need you to help me convince Morality and Logic to host a Disney movie marathon tonight.”

“And you wanted my help” Anxiety said flatly. “Really?”

Prince rolled his eyes. “If we work together and both request it, it will surprise them enough to agree. Also I promise we’ll watch _The Black Cauldron_ first if you help.”

“….Fine,” Anxiety replied after a moment of silence. It wasn’t a terrible deal.

“Fantastic,” Prince cheered, and then hooked his arm through Anxiety’s. “Come, I believe they’re in the common area.”

Anxiety moved on autopilot, his brain hyper-focused on the fact that Prince was right there. _In_ his personal space. He could feel their shoulders pressed together. He couldn’t figure out Prince’s intentions though. He was chattering on and on about the movie marathon, not seeming care about their closeness in the slightest. Anxiety let it go. It didn’t mean anything. He was just getting paranoid.

Anxiety enjoyed the movie night, but he made sure to sit in an armchair away from the others, still slightly wary of their intentions. But nothing else seemed to be happening that night, so he relaxed and enjoyed the movies, even allowing himself to sing a little under his breath.

But then the next morning, the weirdness was back. While Anxiety still had time and space to himself, it felt like every other moment one of the others was there, pulling him along to go and do something. Eventually, he snapped.

“What the fuck is going on.” he snarled at Logic, who had asked to him to help with the grading of papers of all things.

“What do you mean, Anxiety?” Logic said, tilting his head. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“You and the others have been acting all,” here Anxiety flailed, looking for the appropriate word. “Weird,” he finally said, looking suspiciously at Logic. “Seriously, what are you trying to do?”

The other side raised an eyebrow. “I would have thought it was obvious,” he replied.

“Well, it’s not,” Anxiety snapped, “so start talking.”

“Very well,” Logan said. “We, as a group, have recently become aware of a problem we had previously overlooked and are now endeavoring to fix it. Namely, your touch-starvation.”

Anxiety’s face grew hot. He’d thought they’d forgotten about that. “I don’t have a problem,” he said, “And I don’t need you trying to hug me.”

“Don’t worry,” Logic replied, infuriatingly calm. “We have no intention of trying to hug you right now. We can tell you’re not ready for that level of physical affection.”

Anxiety’s face felt like it was on fire now. Who the hell did he think he was saying stuff like this. But before he could tell Logic off, the other side stepped forward, and much to Anxiety’s astonishment, placed a kiss on his forehead.

“Don’t worry, Anxiety,” he said gently, one of his hands coming up to cradle Anxiety’s head. “I know it seems like a lot right now, but that’s why we’re taking it slow.”

Anxiety couldn’t reply, all of his thoughts were centered on the fingers now scritching at his scalp. It didn’t feel bad, it was kind of soothing actually. But at the same time, it was overwhelming. Logic seemed to understand though, as after one last scritch, he pulled his hand back.

“We’re going to fix this,” he said, holding Anxiety’s gaze. “I promise.“

Not knowing how to reply to that, Anxiety fled, but he could still feel Logic’s eyes following him as he went, and the ghost of Logic’s fingers running through his hair, burning like fire.


	2. Chapter 2

Anxiety was hiding.

He had been for the past three days. He’d been living off tap water and the granola bars he kept in his room, but unfortunately those hadn’t lasted very long, and now he was hungry. But if he wanted to get food, he’d have to go to the kitchen, where he might see the others.

Anxiety knew he couldn’t avoid them forever, but he didn’t know how to face them. Didn’t know how to face their newfound pity. Anxiety could admit it, he was scared. He’d gotten used to being alone, to being overlooked, and now that was changing.

Part of him wanted to be hopeful, to think that maybe this was a good thing. But mostly he was just scared. What if he got used to the attention and then once they deemed him “fixed enough” they left him alone again? Or worse what if trying to spend time with them made them realize why they were better off without him?

Anxiety curled up tighter on his bed. He wished he’d never said anything.Then nothing would have changed. It wasn’t like he needed physical contact anyway. Logic was wrong.

His stomach growled, and he cringed. While he may not have needed physical contact, he did need food. He glanced at the clock. It was just past midnight. The others were probably asleep. Maybe if he went now, he could grab some food and make it back without seeing anyone.

As his stomach growled again, Anxiety made up his mind. It was worth a shot. Carefully and quietly, he crept out of his room, cringing at the slight creaking of the door. Balancing on the balls of his feet, he made his way to the kitchen.

Not wanting to risk turning on the light, he began to grope around in the dark. He pulled more granola bars out of the pantry, as well as a loaf of bread, and a box of crackers. Setting them on the counter, he then moved to the fridge, hoping to at least grab some fruit.

But when he opened the fridge, he was stunned. Sitting on the middle shelf was a foil-covered plate with a note reading _For Anxiety_ on top of it in Morality’s handwriting. He pulled it out, staring at it in disbelief.

Morality had left this, for him? Even though he didn’t know if Anxiety would even see it? Had he been doing this every night?

“You should eat that,” a voice remarked from behind. “Morality will be thrilled.”

Startled at the unexpected noise, Anxiety’s hands fumbled with the plate, and dropped it. It fell to the ground and shattered, the ceramic shards now scattered around his bare feet. He hissed in pain as some of them cut into his skin.

“Woah, easy there” the voice spoke up again. It was Prince.

A hand reached out to grab his shoulder, but Anxiety shrugged it away. He didn’t need this.

“I’m just trying to help,” Prince said exasperatedly, “Hold on, I’ll get the light.”

After a few moments and the sound of shuffling, Anxiety screwed his eyes shut at the sudden brightness as the lights flickered on.

“Well that looks bad,” Prince remarked, staring at Anxiety’s feet.

“No shit,” Anxiety muttered, staring at the ground.

Prince approached him cautiously. “Don’t freak out,” he told him.

“Why would I freak-“

But before Anxiety could finish asking his question. Prince’s hands were on his waist, swinging him up and over, depositing him on the counter. As soon as the hands loosened their grip, he jerked back, glaring at Prince.

Prince looked unrepentant.

“I needed to get you out of the way to clean this up,” he explained, “And I didn’t want to risk you stepping on any of it.”

Anxiety supposed he could see the sense in that. Grudgingly. He stayed still on the counter as Prince fetched a broom and pan and began sweeping up the mess. From the looks of it, Morality had made him chicken and peas. Anxiety regretted dropping the plate.

Once the mess had been swept up and thrown away, Prince turned back to Anxiety.

“Alright, Black Veil Bride,” he said, “Let’s get those cuts cleaned up.”

“I can do it myself,” Anxiety snapped, eager for this encounter to end.

Prince didn’t look impressed. “I’m sure,” he replied sarcastically, “But I have more experience treating injuries than you, and besides, it is somewhat my fault that you obtained them. Now hold still.”

Running a washcloth under some water, and grabbing a med kit from under the sink, Prince approached, picking up Anxiety’s right foot. Anxiety resisted the urge to squirm in discomfort. He was all to aware of Prince’s closeness, all too aware that this surge of concern was only motivated by pity.

And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Like in his last conversation with Logic, he felt almost frozen in place, staring as Prince gently wiped away the blood.

“These aren’t as bad as they looked,” Prince murmured. “They’re actually quite shallow. I’ll finish cleaning them out and then put some bandages on them.”

Anxiety had only meant to say sure, but what came out of his mouth was, “Why do you care?”

Prince looked up, frowning. “I know we don’t always get along,” he said, “But that doesn’t mean I’d leave you here bleeding.”

“Not- not just this,” Anxiety said, feeling as though the words were bubbling out of him with little conscious thought. “This whole thing, the whole touch thing. Why do you care? It’s not like it matters”

Prince’s grip on his foot tightened, before he let out a long slow breath.

“You know how I’ve rescued maidens from towers in the past?” he asked, seemingly quite randomly.

“Yeah?” Anxiety drawled, not sure where this was going.

“Do you know what they said the worst part of being in those towers was,” Prince said, now looking much more solemn than Anxiety was used to seeing him. “They said the worst part was the loneliness. The way they felt isolated from anyone and everyone. I remember one girl refused to let go of me for some hours, because she was afraid I’d turn out not to be real if she let go.”

“Okay, what does this have to do with me,” Anxiety asked, feeling slightly uneasy.

“Anxiety, you weren’t locked in a tower, but we did leave you alone,” Prince said softly. “We shouldn’t have. I, at least, should have known better. We may argue, but you’re still part of this family, you’re still under my protection. And I failed you. Please let me make it up.”

Anxiety could only stare. Prince looked genuinely remorseful. And pleading. His eyes begged Anxiety to say yes.

He didn’t need help though, really, no matter what Prince might think. But as he opened his mouth to tell him that, Anxiety couldn’t bring himself to say it. Instead he just muttered, “Just finish bandaging my feet, I want to go to bed.”

“Of course,” Prince said, his eyes still watching Anxiety. “I’ll do that now.”

Sitting in uncomfortable silence, Anxiety watched as Prince cleaned and bandaged his feet. He was being surprisingly gentle, and Anxiety didn’t know what to make of it.

When he had finished, Prince stepped back. “There,” he said, “All done. You can go back to bed now. Although,” and here he hesitated, “It might still hurt a little to walk. I could- I could carry you if you like?”

“I can walk,” Anxiety snapped, but on seeing Prince recoil, he relented slightly.

“It’s not that bad,” he insisted, looking away. And then more quietly, forcing out the words. “But thanks for offering I guess.”

Prince smiled at him. “It’s no trouble,” he replied. “I’ll let you make your way back to your room now. Hopefully, I’ll see you tomorrow? It’s not the same, having no one to banter with.”

Anxiety groaned internally. He’d really be an asshole if he said no. He supposed he could make an appearance. “Yeah, I guess,” he said, hopping off the counter, suppressing a wince. _Okay, that actually did sting a little._

“I’m glad,” Prince said, now looking much more cheerful. “Well then, good night, Anxiety.”

With his last words, he reached out to give a quick squeeze of Anxiety’s shoulder before drawing back, almost too quick for Anxiety to react.

“Night” Anxiety replied, aware that his face was tinted red. He was so tired of this bullshit.

He trudged back towards his room. But despite his wish to just go to sleep and forget everything, Prince’s words kept floating through his mind.

_The worst part was the loneliness. You’re still part of this family._

Anxiety groaned, he still couldn’t believe how guilty Prince had sounded. And Logic had sounded the same when he’d last talked to him. He just didn’t get it. But they were so determined. It was ridiculous.

 _Maybe, just maybe,_ he thought, reluctantly, _I can indulge them a little. For their sake, not mine. Just enough so they wouldn’t feel so freaking guilty. Then everything would go back to normal._

Anxiety rolled over. He’d deal with this in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

As Anxiety shuffled into the dining room the next morning, he kept his eyes downcast and his shoulders hunched. A large part of him was hissing in the back of mind to flee, to hide away in his room. But he’d promised Prince he’d come out today. He’d also promised himself to try and let the others get this whole touch thing out of their system.

Also he hadn’t had the chance to eat last night after dropping the plate, so he was really freaking hungry. Truthfully that had been the only thing that had allowed him to work up the willpower to come down.

Still keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the floor, he slunk over to his seat, flopping down in it with a huff. Once sitting, he allowed his eyes to flick upwards. Logic was sitting across from him with a newspaper. Seeing Anxiety looking at him, he raised his cup in greeting.

“Salutations, Anxiety,” he said. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Sure,” Anxiety said flatly. “Whatever.”

Thankfully before Logic had a chance to reply and make the situation even more awkward, Morality swooped in with a plate covered in bacon.

“Good morning!” he sang out. “I made toast, bacon, eggs and sausages!”

“Do you have jam for the toast?” Prince asked, entering the room.

Morality hummed. “I’m not sure,” he said, “You can go check the cupboards though.”

Prince nodded and ducked into the kitchen. Logic had turned his attention more fully to his paper, which meant that the only person left for Morality to focus on was…

“Anxiety!” Morality beamed at him. “I’m glad you came down. Make sure to take as much food as you like, kiddo. And if you want something else, just ask, ok?”

Anxiety shifted uncomfortably. See all this fussing and special treatment was what he was trying to avoid.

“This is fine,” he muttered, reaching out to grab a slice of toast. He shoved it in his mouths without even bothering to butter it, too determined to have an excuse not to talk.

Morality wasn’t deterred though. He kept chattering on. “Well I’m glad! I’m really happy you cam down today, I was starting to get a bit worried. So do you have any plans for today?”

Anxiety squinted at Morality. _Where was this going?_

“No,” he eventually said slowly. “Not really.”

“Do you want to rematch the Lego Batman movie with me then?” Morality asked bouncing up and down in his seat. “Logic isn’t interested, and Roman said he was going to be busy coming up with video ideas today.”

Anxiety almost said no. But then he remembered his stupid promise.

“Yeah, sure I guess,” he mumbled. _Just let them get it out of their system,_ he reminded himself. _Then it will go back to normal. You’ll be left alone again._

“Yay!” Morality clapped his hands together. “I have to take care a few things first, but want to meet up in the common room after lunch.”

“Sounds great,” Anxiety replied, moodily poking at his bacon. At least he’d have time to mentally prepare himself.

* * *

 

After lunch, (they typically were on their own for lunch, with breakfast and dinner begin the designated “family” times), Anxiety made his way into the common room. Morality was already there, sitting on the couch, remote in hand.

“Hey, Anxiety,” he waved. “I’ve got the movie all set up, so just come sit down.”

Normally, Anxiety would have gone to one of the armchairs to sit. But this time he sat down right next to Morality, feeling their legs brush together. Morality looked a bit startled, but thankfully didn’t comment.

“I love this movie so much,” he chattered, “It’s just so cute!”

“It’s ok,” Anxiety said flatly. He did actually like the movie. Somehow it had ended up being more true to the comics than most movie portrayals of Batman were. That didn’t mean he had to be enthusiastic though. He’d already shown up, Morality wasn’t getting much more out of him.

Not fifteen minutes into the movie, Anxiety could feel Morality begin to fidget. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at the other side. He looked weirdly nervous.

After a few more minutes, Anxiety felt Morality shift again. His arm, which had previously been at his side, now stretched up and over, until it rested on the back of the couch. It wasn’t really touching Anxiety, but he was aware of its proximity, just a hair’s breadth away from being around his shoulders.

He could feel himself tense a little, but forced himself to relax. It was fine. It made Morality happy. He could deal with it.

As the movie went on, Anxiety found himself focusing less and less on Morality’s nearness to him. Mostly because he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. He hadn’t really slept much the night before. Sure, he’d tried, but he’d just ended up tossing and turning all night, his mind refusing to shut up.

And, well, sitting on the couch, the noise from the TV a comforting drone, who could blame him for struggling to stay awake. Soon, it became too much effort all together, and his exhaustion dragged him under.

* * *

 

There was some kind of noise above him. Still not opening his eyes, Anxiety tried to figure out where he was. He was lying on something warm, and moving?

As the fog in his mind lifted a little, he abruptly realized that at some point while he was sleeping he had leaned against Morality, and he was now partially lying on his chest, and Morality’s arm was now really wrapped around him. And that noise? That was Morality talking.

“You know I remember, when you first appeared in the mindscape,” Morality was saying softly. “You were so small, I just wanted to wrap you up in a blanket. But then you didn’t seem to want any of us near you, so I thought that maybe it was better to keep my distance. To let you make the first move.”

Morality took in a long shaky breath. He sounded as though he was on the verge of tears. Anxiety didn’t move. He wasn’t sure what to do. Morality clearly thought he was still asleep, and he wasn’t sure what the other would do if he realized Anxiety was awake. So he just stayed frozen, keeping careful control of his breathing.

“That was a mistake,” Morality whispered, his tone full of guilt and pain. “I should have known better. I should have made sure you knew you could reach out. Instead I just left you alone, for years. That’s not how a father should act.”

He paused again, sniffing softly. _Was he actually crying now?_

“And now,” he said sadly, “you’re too scared to even let us help you. You flinch every time we come near you, and you look so confused every time we so much as pat you on the back, like you can’t understand what or why we’re doing that.”

Anxiety felt the hand on his back rise to run its fingers through his hair.

“The only reason you’ve let me this close is because you’re asleep,” Morality continued, “And when you wake up, it’ll just be like before, you’’ll keep looking at us like you expect us to hurt you. And I hate that.”

Morality was definitely crying now.

“I hate that we did hurt you,” he sobbed. “I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to be safe. I wanted you to know that we would look out for you, no matter what. But we didn’t, and I know we’re trying to fix it, but I’m scared that maybe we were too late. God, I hope we weren’t too late.”

Despite the warm arms now clinging desperately to him, Anxiety felt cold. He’d known this hadn’t been a joke, Prince had made it pretty clear that they were serious about this. But this was way more than he had expected. Helpless in the face of what he was now realizing was more than just simple pity, he stayed silent and still.

Morality’s words weren’t intelligible anymore. He only let out sob-filled mumbles, as he pressed his face into Anxiety’s hair. Eventually, the sobbing trailed off.

“I love you, kiddo,” he whispered. “I hope you’ll figure that out someday. We all love you. You’re family, you’ll always be our family.”

Morality sighed, sounding weary.

“I should probably get you back to your room before you wake up,” he said. “I don’t- you’ll be happier if you wake up there.”

With that, Anxiety felt himself being gently lifted upwards, cradled in Morality’s arms. The other side began to walk, carrying him towards his room. The entire time, Anxiety kept his eyes shut.

After a brief fumble with the door, Morality let himself in, and Anxiety felt himself being placed on the bed. A hand brushed his bangs back, and a pair of lips gently pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Sleep well, Anxiety,” Morality murmured. “I hope your dreams are happy. I hope they’re kinder to you than we’ve been.”

Anxiety heard him walk away, the door shutting behind him. Once he was sure Morality was gone, he sat up.

He stared at the now closed door in dismay. This-this wasn’t something he could just indulge for a few days and make it go away. They were- this wasn’t something small

 _What am I going to do?_ he thought. _I didn’t- I never wanted Morality to cry because of me. But how do I handle this?_

He pulled his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapping around them. He was Anxiety, he was supposed to be alone. But apparently the others had decided that wasn’t true.

Part of him wanted to say that it was all a lie, that if they were telling the truth, it would never have been like this in the first place. But a greater part of him knew that there was no dismissing what he had just heard. For better or for worse, the others were serious.

Which meant he was going to have to find a way to deal with it. Anxiety let himself think about what it was like being curled up in Morality’s arms. It-it hadn’t been terrible. It had been awkward, sure, especially since he’d had no idea what to do.

But, at the same time, when he had first been waking up, before he’d realized what Morality was saying, it had actually felt kind of nice.

Hesitantly, Anxiety tried to imagine what it would be like for the others to touch him, what it might be like to hug them. It was… a weird thought. Not bad necessarily, but it also felt kind of overwhelming.

Although, hadn’t Logic said that they’d work up to that? That they weren’t going to try and hug Anxiety right now because they knew it would be too much?

Anxiety chewed on his lower lip. Maybe this wouldn’t be bad? True, he still thought he would be fine without all this fuss and touchy-feely stuff. But, the others cared. And as much as he hated to admit it, knowing that actually made Anxiety feel good. He’d always just figured they’d hated him. After all, why wouldn’t they?

But if they didn’t hate him, and if this whole thing was more than just pity, if it was them maybe trying to show they cared. Then maybe, just maybe, he could let them in.

Anxiety really hoped this wouldn’t turn out to be a mistake. If it was, he knew he’d never get over it.


	4. Chapter 4

Anxiety paced.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._

He raked his fingers through his hair in agitation. He had to figure out what he was going to do and fast. The others would wake up soon. Anxiety had spent the entire night trying figure things out.

Part of him, a large part of him, just wanted to take it all at face value, let the others in the way they seemed to want him to. But as he had tossed and turned in the early hours of the morning, doubts had begun to creep into his mind, showing every way this could go wrong. There was a reason he hadn’t slept.

But despite his endlessly whirling thoughts, he had made it to sunrise without being one iota closer to actually making a decision. And once Morality called him down for breakfast, he’d have to.

Would he refuse to leave the room? Or would he go down? If he went down, what would he do? Would he ignore them? Would he let them in? He didn’t know!

Anxiety let out a muffled scream, his hands covering his mouth. He wished none of this had ever happened, then nothing would have changed. The others would have their own lives being their blissful happy selves, and he would be… alone. Like it should be.

He sunk to the ground, his arms wrapping around his knees. It hadn’t been that bad being alone. In fact, many times he preferred it. The others could be too loud and overwhelming at times. And he’d gotten good at keeping his own company. With the internet, it wasn’t like he ever ran out of things to do.

Sure, sometimes he had wished things could be a bit different, that his relationship with the others wasn’t so … strained. Usually when he caught glimpses of movie marathons he hadn’t been invited to, or heard the easy conversations over meals, the kind of conversations he’d never been able to manage.

And now they were caught at a crossroads between his sometimes wishes and reality. The others still didn’t like him, not really, but they were trying to connect with him, to open up. And the worst part was that he still didn’t understand why.

At first he’d thought it was pity, because that made sense. Oh, we learned something sad about poor little Anxiety, let’s all be nice to him, so we stop feeling guilty. And you know what, Anxiety could have handled that. Sure it would have hurt once things went back to normal, but he would have moved on eventually, and he would have learned from it.

But this wasn’t pity, he wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew it wasn’t just simple pity. Because Patton had cried over him, and had said all those things when he didn’t even know Anxiety was listening. Because he had never heard Roman talk to him while sounding that serious and earnest. Because Logan didn’t even really do emotions that much, so Anxiety wasn’t sure how he’d thought the other side would be motivated by pity in the first place!

And so it wasn’t- and he couldn’t- and they weren’t- and he just- and everything was-

He just wished he knew what they wanted.

Anxiety was still on the floor when he heard Morality calling everyone for breakfast. There was no more time to think.

He didn’t move though, just stared at the door. Did he even want to go down? No, not really.

 _But you do want answers_ , a voice murmured inside his mind, _and you won’t get them by staying in here._

Anxiety hated that it was right.

He pulled himself up, taking a glance in the mirror to see how he looked. He winced, he looked like death warmed over. He grabbed his eyeshadow, smearing it on. It didn’t really help, but at least he could claim his zombie-like appearance was from the makeup.

* * *

 

Anxiety picked at his food. He’d tried to eat, but it turned out that the child of stress and sleep-deprivation was nausea. Eventually he gave up and carried his plate to the sink, scraping the food into the trash. When he came back to the dining room, Logic was there.

“Anxiety,” he said. “Are you alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Anxiety snapped back sarcastically.

“Well,” Logic said, one had going up to adjust his glasses. “You barely ate anything, your skin tone is even paler than normal, you seemed unfocused and disengaged the entire meal, your walk is currently awkward and halting, you-

“Alright, you can stop. I get it,” Anxiety cut him off.

Logic peered at him, concern peeking though.

“If you don’t wish to discuss the source of your ailment,” he said, one hand reaching out to rest on Anxiety’s shoulder, “We don’t have to. Perhaps I could help in some other way. I’ve been experimenting with teas recently. Some of them are very soothing.”

“You know you don’t have to this, right?” Anxiety blurted out, shrugging off Logic’s hand, finally fed up with everything. He was going to get some freaking answers.

Logic’s brow crinkled.

“Do what?” he said puzzled. “Offer to help? Provide tea? I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific.”

“I’m talking about this whole caring bullshit,” Anxiety snarled. “And all the stupid touching. You know you don’t have to do it?”

“You’re saying we don’t have to care about you?” said a horrified voice behind Logic. It was Morality.

“Well, you don’t” Anxiety said.

“But of course we care” Morality said, now moving into Anxiety’s line of vision, looking distressed. Anxiety winced a bit internally. If there was one thing he regretted most about this whole situation, it was making Morality upset.

“I don’t see why,” he muttered, looking down to avoid seeing Morality’s face.

“Because you’re our family.”

Now Prince had gotten pulled in. Anxiety took a deep breath trying to stay calm. it wasn’t working.

“You keep saying that!” he blurted out, hands clenching into fists. He just wanted to answers.

“Because it’s true,” Prince was quick to reply.

“It didn’t use to be.”

Anxiety’s words hung in the air, the truth having been enough to shock everyone into silence. But it didn’t last.

“I- what,” Prince, stammered, sounding stunned.

“Anxiety, what do you mean by that,” Logic said slowly, his gaze sharp.

Anxiety clenched his jaw. _Fuck it, might as well be honest. Maybe then things will start making sense again._

“I mean none of you used to care,” he began, keeping an eye on their reactions. "I was something you tolerated at best. And now you’re here talking about family and caring, and you really expect me to believe that? And I might not know what the hell all this is, because you all wouldn’t have gone this far for pity, but I know it isn’t real. So why? Just tell me why, and then I can leave, and we can forget this ever happened, and it will all end. We can go back to the way things were before”

“How can you- how can you say that?”

Prince was the one to break the silence.

Anxiety closed his eyes.

“Just give me a fucking answer, Princey,” he said wearily.

“We have,” Morality said, his voice thick. “We just didn’t say it soon enough.”

“Anxiety,” Logic cut in, his voice low but intense. “We don’t want things to go back to the way they were before. We were wrong before. We-we made a mistake, many mistakes.”

That was enough to make Anxiety reopen his eyes. Logic almost never admitted to making a mistake. He stared at the others, wary of what was happening, but unable to leave.

“We’re not lying, or acting out of pity,” Morality said, stepping closer. “You really are family, and you always have been. We were the ones that didn’t act like it. Not because we didn’t care, we did. But because we didn’t know how to approach you. But that’s not your fault, that’s on us.”

“Indeed,” Logic said. “We should have made the effort to connect with you, instead of expecting you to reach out when you needed it. We failed you.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive us,” Prince said. “Not after we made you feel so alone. But know we all are truly sorry, that I’m truly sorry. Because this is your answer, Anxiety. We’re doing it because we care, because we didn’t know how to show you before, but we never want you to feel otherwise again. We. Are. Family.”

Anxiety couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be real.

“It is,” Logic replied gently. He’d said that out loud.

 _Family, family, family._ The word echoed inside Anxiety’s mind, each time getting louder and louder. he could feel himself start to shake as, the beginnings of tears began to prick at his eyes.

It was then he felt a tentative hand on his shoulder. It was Patton. He began to slowly pull Anxiety closer to him, giving the other side time to pull away. But Anxiety didn’t. For once, he let himself lean into the touch until he was being hugged.

Anxiety shuddered. He could feel Patton’s arms around him, burning hot. But it didn’t hurt somehow. Instead he felt engulfed, the way he felt when he buried himself in blankets on bad days.

Another set of arms joined Patton’s, as Logan moved to Anxiety’s side, his arms settling on Anxiety’s shoulders. Then he felt a blaze of warmth at his back, as Roman joined in as well.

Caught between the three of them, every inch of his body lit up from the contact, Anxiety let out a shaky sigh. He wasn’t- It was still hard to believe them. But surrounded by them like this, enveloped by their concern and care, the idea that he was family didn’t seem so far-fetched after all.

Eventually, when the contact tipped from immense but good to overwhelming, Anxiety pulled back.The others let him without any fuss, stepping back, but still remaining close.

“Thanks,” he said, ducking his head. “For still trying, for not giving up on me.”

The three of them smiled at him.

“What else is family for.”


End file.
